keeping the dreams alive

i had enough.

My car was in an accident today when I wasn’t the driver. The front bumper is gone. It’s my car. Did you think I was nonchalant about that?

Having to meet with the police twice in a month is traumatic enough.

I am drained, awfully drained.

If I can’t do the frigging assignment, I can’t do it. I’ll attempt, but I won’t beg for help. If I’ve to hand in an empty, half understood code, I will. I don’t have programming background, there is this much I can do. If I am not smart enough, so be it. Like I said, at this point in time, I had enough. And, I do not really care anymore.

I don’t even want to elaborate or type anymore. I just want to sleep. So much happened today, and I have no one I can talk to apart from friends in Singapore, whom I know will never judge me.

It’s sad to be saying this. But, 9 months on, I still find it hard to differentiate between the pretentious/superficial people from those who truly care.

I don’t even want comments on any of my posts anymore.

I just want to be who I was.

I have struggled a hell lot this year and sacrificed the health unknowingly. The self confidence/esteem that picked up last year has plummeted a lot this year. It’s a bottomless pit. It has reached that point where I am asking myself: Jazzy, is this worth the effort anymore?

There is a lot of self doubt going on now. Goals of doing the PhD that were once really clear are now nothing but blurred lines.  Perhaps you’re just not good enough Jazzy. Sometimes, you just have to accept that hard painful truth.


Written by Jasmine

September 29, 2010 at 02:38

Posted in About Me, Friends, PhD